Addiction.

Addiction runs deep in my family. I know it does for many. I have gone in and out of debating with myself about sharing some stories. In the end, there are two reasons I choose to share. One being that some have shared with me that I seem so peaceful, and life must be a breeze for me, (it is, by choose of perception!) and the other was a conversation I had with a dear friend the other day that led me to sitting here with my computer today. I shared with her, that in my opinion, we are here to share. Share everything, our love, our fears, our goals, our visions, our tears of joy and sorrow, our laughter.

"Each soul is doing the best they can with the level of awareness they have." Once we can fully understand this, we can see that everyone is just walking out their karma and there is no need to judge or expect anything from anyone. One thing I feel we can do is communicate what we need in OUR space. We can communicate this with NO expectation of the outcome and know by speaking what WE truly need may result in big change or the end of a relationship. Being compassionate starts with ourself. Are you willing to disappoint another to protect your own TRUTH?

It has taken me eights years to fully learn how to process this part of my life. Actually, 30 years as I grew up around strong addictions as well.  It is the difference between knowing and KNOWING.  It is the difference between playing the victim or being the seeker of TRUTH.

We ALL have our attachments and addictions. I am attached to feeling good, practicing yoga, eating healthy, and awareness. It literally makes me nervous when I cannot do these things.. Definitely a learned behavior. My runner friends get stressed and hit the road for a long run, some meditate for hours. Some pop pills or pour too many drinks, some hold it all in, and others don't eat.  We become addicted to what we do, whether it is healthy or not.

I can say that the last year of my life has brought many lessons, some I am still sitting with as my worldly self tries to understand and my inner being sinks deeper into the detachment of the outcome. KNOWING that I could never possibly understand the bigger picture, I am not a puppet master, I cannot wave my Jenny wand and "fix" this. It is not mine to fix, yet mine to LOVE.

I took a hard look in the eyes of addiction yesterday as I sat across from my own blood in her therapy session at rehab. After her eight year prescription pill addiction, she overdosed in front of her beautiful children last week. Her soul is so attached to her addiction, she is still not willing to own up to her choices or addiction.

We have found the system doesn't always work. So what can we do? Physically..... not much. The power of intention is our strongest ability. Sit with LOVE, always.

My mantra lately has been, "I AM LOVE, SHE IS LOVE, I AM LOVE, SHE IS LOVE."

I am forever grateful to have this soul in my life. She has been one of my greatest teachers. I have chosen that perspective. I have chosen to learn, to grow, to evolve. To know the light we must recognize the dark. Recognize, not judge.

Recognize and then LOVE.

Namaste