Are you in the space you want to be in life? Do you make decisions for yourself based on who you are today and how you are feeling today or do you move through life with little awareness just going through the motions?
If you would have asked me these questions a few years back I would have given you a blank stare. Today, I am married to my best friend who encourages my wings to expand, I choose to love him endlessly because of WHO he is to me. I share my passion each day both on and off the mat with others. I keep a tidy house. I give love to both old friends and new ones. I have lunch with my mom. I drive in the car with my music too loud and sing when I really have no business. Lastly, I make crazy dreams come true by facing every fear that arises.
It is good to be aware of our past stories, the ones that carried us to where we are but it's best to keep our eyes and heart in the present, sending our energy forward rather then backwards. Without great awareness, we won’t notice the shifts happening within us so change cannot be permanent.
If I had my eyes in the past, I would be living the life I was living previous to this one. A life lacking awareness and based on fears from my past stories. I would have never ventured to a third world country alone and I sure as hell would NOT have attempted surfing! The whole experience of surfing is so much like yoga. Shiva really helped shift my fears of surfing before I ever hit the water. In life we tend to have the need to control. We need to know the outcome of our efforts and we expect people to act and live in a certain way. The water and the waves have no agenda. The oceans energy flows until the wave ends and then sweeps back out to do it all over again. To fight the waves of the ocean serves no purpose. The surfer will never succeed by practicing resistance or the need to control. This is true for yoga, the more ego you bring to your mat, the more your body and mind will resist.
Walking out against the current with a board twice my size propped up on my shaved head, I felt so incredibly free and strong. I make it half way to where the “real” surfers are chillen on their boards waiting patiently for the right wave to come. This process cannot be forced. You must simply wait for the right time. Isn’t this true off our boards as well?
Laying flat on my belly, hands under my shoulders, I then bring my right knee in, toes tucked under, the wave approached and thrusted the board forward and I can feel the oceans energy roaring. My heart was fluttering then as it is now sharing with you. I take a slow, deep inhale of the saltwater air and brought my back foot forward with ease and I AM NOW STANDING on the board crouched down with my arms extended. First time, first wave, and I am up! I think I even said, WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I then told every new yogi friend that I had made, “I did it, I did it!” Out of about 10 tries, I stood up every time except once! :) I can hardly wait to try again, maybe one day I will even own my own boards!
I think I am currently on a “breaking any and all fears” path. I am tackling the fears that are rooted from my past and also tackling any new fears that may arise in the present moment. I have a strong desire to see what I am made of and to rip every second of happiness I can out of the current space I am in. I want to give of myself to those that desire my love and appreciate my intentions in this life. Place yourself around people who encourage this freedom of growth and learn from those that are trying to hold you back or show jealousy. Treat these people with the most love possible, even if it has to be from a distance. You will learn more by loving those you struggle with than you will learn from those that are easy to love.
I finish the day with the brightest smile ever. I choose quiet time to reflect, rather than participating in the evening session. I lay on my balcony looking up at the endless sky and stars. Trying my best to understand I am truly where I appear to be, in my Heaven. My chest seems as if it will burst open and butterflies and hearts will explode out, maybe even a unicorn or two :) (don’t laugh at me!!)
I will be up with the sun to enjoy my last 8 hours at Blue Spirit Retreat, Until then, Namaste Tica style!
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